i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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