i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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