Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
