Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
