wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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