We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
