last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
