She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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