this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
