If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
