After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
