just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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