The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
