you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
