She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
