I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
