I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
