Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
