just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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