my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
