The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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