Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
