I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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