I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
