I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
