Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
