what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
