I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
