hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
