what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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