if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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