so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wannas sexs uuuuu
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
