Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
