We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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