Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
