Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
