He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
