she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
