There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
