she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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