you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
