Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
