I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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