he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
