I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
