i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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