God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
