she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I deserve this hangover.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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