Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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