I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
