sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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